They do things a little differently sur la continente. They drive on the wrong side of the road, they talk different, they don’t know what pork scratchings are, they’re a mixed up bunch of bloody foreigners – and nowhere is more foreign than Switzerland.
I remember being perplexed as a child when my dad told me that cars with a little CH sticker on them were not from Czechoslovakia but were actually from Switzerland because the CH stands for Confederation Helvetica – here we have a country so rubbish, it’s named after a font.
They can’t make up their minds whether they’re French, German or Italian. Or Swiss. Famous for a range of faintly ridiculous shit, from cuckoo clocks to fondue, and infamous for hoarding Nazi gold, a serious yet ingenious knife culture and laws against flushing the toilet after dusk, the Swiss are, by and large, quite a lot nicer than their immediate neighbours.
When it comes to football though, unlike their immediate neighbours, the Swiss have not really done much on the world stage, least of all creating generation after generation of football fans whose preference for the Young Boys of Bern makes them sound like a particularly conspicuous continental paedophile ring.
Perhaps then, this piece of Swiss toilet wall art is homage to the Young Boys of Bern.
But wait, what’s that? Let’s take a closer look at the footballer…..
Amazing. Dangling down like a couple of inverted WWII sea mines, this cockless masterpiece is a wonder to behold. It’s not what you see, you see, it’s what you don’t see.
The English gave the world Goldenballs, the Swiss gave us Genevaballs.
If you’re in Geneva soon, take a trip to Restaurant Olé-Olé Rue de Fribourg 11, 1201.
The only review in English I found on the web says this: “It’s not the best service the first time you go, but they remember you coming back and then it’s really a great place with good ambiance. Food is rudimentary, but always a very good value.”
What it doesn’t say is: “… and in the toilet is a picture of a football player featuring graffiti hairy testicles NO PENIS.”